🩳 “Little kids” are short.
Periods and commas [.,] are little kids.
They sit on or below the line.
They’re too short for cars to see.
They must play safely INSIDE the fence (the quotes).

❌ “Assuming, arguendo, that the case is ripe for review, the plaintiff still lacks standing to bring it.”

Try “even if” instead.
It’ll help you sound less dead.

✅ “Even if the case were ripe for review, the plaintiff lacks standing to bring it.”

Dear legal writer, Legal writing is important. As lawyers, we don’t have the luxury of not writing well.

Words are the tools of our trade. We get PAID to wield words to persuade. If WE can’t communicate well, what’s our value anyway?

The word “would” wreaks special havoc in a complaint.

E.g.

❌ “Plaintiff would drive 45 minutes longer for the new role.”

❌ “Plaintiff would contribute $100,000 to the fund.”

Starting in Big Law? Take note!

When I supervised associates, I could always tell when one was less than thrilled to receive a project.

I’d sense a subtle eyeroll,
an inner groan,
or even a little sigh.

In the U.S.:

🔹 A “company” is a “collective noun” that functions like every other SINGULAR noun.

Other common, collective nouns in legal writing include:

So he looks up at you and asks, “Got it?”

You nod, trying to look like you’ve done this several times before.

—So if Dick and Dennis go play tennis, do NOT next say that “he” wins 6–3.

—If Mary and June take a walk at noon, do NOT write that “she” stops for tea.

That’s my acronym for 4 bad words in legal writing:

“comprise” — lawyers always get this wrong

“𝐍𝐨 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬?
𝐍𝐨 𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐃𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒???
𝐃𝐢𝐝 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐮𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐝𝐨 𝐚 7-𝐩𝐚𝐠𝐞 𝐅𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐬 𝐬𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐍𝐎 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬?”

The partner was incredulous, her voice rising in pitch and exasperation with each question

1: Your reader is busy.

2: Your reader will NOT be reading for pleasure.

3: Your reader WILL be reading to extract information.

Dear 2L, We spoke a lot about IRAC essay exams last year, but it’s been several months. I thought a refresher was due.

Key Reminder: You must do a complete IRAC analysis for every Element of every Claim and Defense or for every Factor in the court’s applicable test.

Here’s a classic example:

👿 “She was not promoted because she is female.”

Hmm. Was she promoted?
That’s not clear.

—That’s one of Bryan Garner’s famous quotes, and I want you to think about what it means.

I also want you to go back to the pre-iPhone and pre-Mapquest days when Garner said it:

Nothing requires it.
Your signature block covers it.
Your hackneyed legalese adds nothing.

STOP!