Dear 1L, I can’t forget the job interview I totally bombed.

Lesson for you in your law-firm interviews: Beware of the associate lunch.

Growing up, I had learned to downplay my accomplishments.
To be humble.
To be liked.

The lesson was “taught” to me the hard way
— by those kids in the “cool” cliques.
They all hated school.
They hated their mothers.
They hated almost anything they were “supposed to” do.

I was an A student.
I was one of those annoying kids who actually liked school.
And I loved my mom.
I wasn’t “cool.”
Oh, but how I wanted to be.
So, I downplayed my traits to try to fit in.

Many of us have some similar version of the story, I would suspect. It is certainly not novel or unique.

And many of us have adopted some version of downplaying to become more likable in various social situations. No one likes a braggart. But where is the line?

I don’t know the answer.
I still struggle to tout my accomplishments.
I push down instincts to celebrate wins.
I try to be humble, sympathetic, empathetic.
I try to make others feel comfortable.

But one thing I know for ABSOLUTELY sure:

📣 Downplaying has no place in a job interview! 📣

How did I screw up? It wasn’t with the partners. Looking accomplished in front of them was easy—they were far more accomplished than me, so I didn’t need to downplay myself to make them feel comfortable.

It was that damn associate lunch.

I relaxed from my regular interview mode when seated at a restaurant with three female peers.

They seemed like close friends.
I was uncomfortable.
I didn’t know how to act.
So what did I do?
I downplayed.

I wanted to fit in. I wanted to be liked. I met their questions about my experiences at a top NYC firm with mealy-mouthed answers:

 — “They don’t give associates that much responsibility in NYC firms compared with Philly firms…”

 — “I’m sure I did nothing nearly as exciting or skilled as you must do at your firm.”

Oh, I went on and on. 😔

I shudder when I think back. And, no surprise, a rejection letter arrived soon after.

And whad’ya know: They said I didn’t have the “experience” they were after.
___

I share this story for three reasons.

🔹 ONE, I hope it will remind you (if you are at all a downplayer like me), that downplaying has no role in a job interview.

Sure, don’t be a boaster, but you must be in “sell” mode at all times.

🔹 TWO, be careful of the “informal” associate lunch.

It can’t win you the job, but it certainly can lose it for you.

🔹 THREE, remember that we all have stories of failures.

I was turned down by more firms than I would like to remember.
You will be turned down by many, too.

Please take your failures;
learn from them;
and go rock your next interview.

All it takes is one.

💌 Amanda

P.S. Tomorrow, I’ll be sharing my other best tips for interviewing at a law firm. Follow me to stay tuned—

#Dear1L