This Is a Mental-Health Check-in

Dear 3L, This is a mental-health check-in.
Everyone assumes it’s the 1Ls with the most stress.
But my 3L almost killed me.

On the outside, I seemed to have it all together:
—a top GPA,
—a job lined up for fall, and
—a law review Note ready to publish.

What could I be stressed about?

As it turned out, a lot.

⬇️

One morning that February, I awoke to the worst pain of my life.

It felt like a charlie horse, but it twinged from every back muscle, radiating down to my left toe.

I crawled, or slithered, in agony, across my small Boston studio to the phone. I wept for a while on the floor. And then I called my parents.

The doctor they brought me to, though, could find nothing structurally wrong.

Nothing.

But he confirmed he could feel my muscles spasming with a bare hand.

So he sent me off with a week’s worth of Percocet and a strong rest-and-relax order. Under absolutely no circumstances, he emphasized, was I to try to sit in a desk chair.

Ultimately, a brick-red, ergonomically-designed recliner from Relax the Back Store became my home.

I ate, worked, and slept in it, completing my 3L year “remotely,” or whatever we called it in 1996.

Ironically, that May, my back pain eased around exams. I think it must have been adrenaline, because the morning after my last test, the sharp pain returned to full throttle, and I was again barely able to walk.

I made it alone in a cab to Mass Gen ER and triaged to psych.

Two hours later, I had my diagnosis. 👉 Anxiety.

⬇️

ER stories like these are more common today, but back then, they were simply not talked about.

My father even insisted he pay for Prozac out-of-pocket, lest anyone learn I was “a head case.”

I could write on—about taking the NY bar exam while lying on the floor, or on the doctor who finally found a mind cure—but this post is long, and I must turn to takeaways.

1️⃣ Listen to your body.

When our psyche needs care, it is often a problem to be put off. But eventually, our bodies create problems that can’t be.

In retrospect, mine had been sending signals for months. But I dismissed the signs and braved on, doing my obsessive 60 mins of cardio each day.

There was surely no time for me to rest, I thought.
Until I had no choice.

How are YOU?
Please take a physical and mental inventory.

You need to be proactive about anxiety, or it can take on a life of its own.
If you need to, please call someone today.

2️⃣ Things are often not what they seem.

Approaching law school’s end can be more angst-ridden than its start.
There are no more familiar grade ladders to climb.
And more school years to hide behind.

It is out into the big, scary world.
And in that world, a 3L will be a newborn.
The specter of that can be overwhelming.

Please reach out to a 3L today.
They need support, too.
Especially in bitter February.

💌 Amanda

P.S. I find that wearing pink cheers me up. What do you do to fight back the stress and bitter Feb blues?