Dear 1L: My 3L Back Story

Dear 1L,

For most, it is 1L that causes the most stress. For me, it was 3L.

On the outside, I seemed to have it all together: a job lined up for fall, and a Note ready to publish. What could I be stressed about?

As it turns out, a lot. 

One morning that spring, I awoke to the worst pain of my life. It felt like a charlie horse, but it twinged from every back muscle, radiating down to my left toe.

I crawled, or slithered, across my small Boston studio to the phone. Cried on the floor.  And then called my parents.

They took me to a doctor that day. He could find nothing structurally wrong. Nothing. But he did agree my muscles were spasming. One could feel them with a bare hand.

I was sent off with a week’s supply of Percocet, along with a strong script to rest and relax. And under no circumstances was I to sit in a chair.

Ultimately, an ergonomically-designed recliner from Relax the Back became my home. I ate, worked, and slept in it, completing my 3L year “remotely,” or whatever we called it in 1996.

It went on like this for months. I lived, solitary, in a single square room. Although my back became bearable, barely, it was a dismal existence. Walking a short hallway to the mailbox became highlights of my days.

After exams, late in May, however, the original pain returned. And this time, there was no time to spare. I made it alone in a cab to Mass Gen ER and triaged to psych. Two hours later, I had my diagnosis: anxiety. 

ER stories like these are more common today, but back then, such things were simply not talked about. My father even insisted he pay for everything out-of-pocket, lest anyone learn through insurance that I was a head case.

I could write on—about passing the bar from the floor, or the doctor who finally found a mind cure—but this post is long, and I must turn to try takeaways. I preface that I have no well-planned lessons to teach. I just try to find meaning in events that would otherwise be pointless.

✏️ First, things are often not what they seem. 

Right now, to you, 3Ls may seem sitting pretty. But approaching law school’s end can be more angst-ridden than its start. There are no more familiar grade ladders to climb, or school years to hide behind. It is out into the big, scary world. And in that world, a 3L is a newborn.

Reach out to a 3L today. They need support, too.

✏️ Second, listen to your body.

When our psyche needs care, it is often a problem to be put off. But eventually, our bodies create problems that can’t be.

In retrospect, mine had been sending signals for months. But exercising through pain was my MO. I dismissed the signs and braved on. There was surely no time for me to rest. Until I had no choice. 

How are you? Please take a physical and mental inventory. Don’t end up missing a semester of in-person school, or taking the bar from the floor. If you need to, please call someone today.

This has been a hard post to write. Thank you for reading.

Fondly,

Amanda

P.S. Follow —> #Dear1L to receive future letters.